THE TOP FIVE BEER-BREWING MISTAKES TO KNOW BEFORE YOU MOVE ON TO MORE

by Crystal Kimball

Your brother-in-law is doing it. Your boss is doing it. Hell, even your old college roommate who could barely tie his shoes is doing it! EVERYONE is brewing their own beer… and damn it, you want to do IT too! So, you go to the local brewing supply store and chat with the veteran brewer clerk for a good hour. You buy EVERYTHING he tells you to, and spend 50 percent more money than you will ever admit to your wife. The whole way home you’re grinning like an 18 year old at a gentleman’s club, while your inner Martha Stewart is planning the “Master Brewer” coming out party of the century! Hell, you are so excited that when you finally get home you just cannot resist the urge to scratch that manly itch any longer, so you forego any research, skim the directions, and dive in… you talked with the clerk for an hour…

Mistake #1: NOT DOING YOUR RESEARCH!

The number one mistake newbie’s make is NOT READING THE INSTRUCTIONS! Come on, no one is questioning your manhood… you’re brewing beer!!... Enough said, so take the time to read up so your beer is worthy of a “drink up!” The best beverage known to man (and woMAN) is beer, so pay it some respect and do your homework. No excuses.

Mistake #2: USING STALE OR CHEAP INGREDIENTS.

Remember that clerk you spent an hour talking to? Did he happen to mention he’s responsible for the ordering (and OVER ordering)? Unless you’re looking to brew enough beer to get your neighborhood tanked, skip buying in ‘value’ bulk. Stale hops can yield beer with weak head, yeast should be no older than 3 months, and the additives and preservative found in most cheap malt will ruin the flavor.
The few bucks you DON’T save will be well worth it in the end, and you won’t find yourself tempted to use the leftovers later. Yes, the stuff is expensive, but remember, you are only telling your wife about a portion of the cost, so keep your dignity intact and don’t give your boss the opportunity to offer you a raise so you can “buy some better hops”.. . Oh, ha-ha. HATE that guy!

Mistake #3: NOT SANITIZING EQUIPMENT PROPERLY.

This is beer we are talking about, so NO, the quick pants wipe you use on your daughter’s pacifier is not sufficient… and the ‘ten second rule’… you should be ashamed! Bacterial contamination and wild yeast can pollute your beer and alter the taste. Sure, your dumber-than-bricks college roommate might swear by a quick rinse of hot water and Dawn, and his beer might not taste ‘too bad’, but any good brewer is going to tell you the trick is not to sterilize but to sanitize, and I can guarantee you their beer taste better! A quick and cheap sanitization trick is bleach, but be sure to rinse your equipment thoroughly afterwards. The bleach will kill your yeast and carbonation just as quickly as it killed the bacteria, so no wishy-washy rinsing!

Also, be mindful of scratches or stains in plastic equipment. They harbor bacteria and are extremely difficult to get clean. If you can find a few extra bucks to hide from your wife, go for something non-porous, like glass or stainless steel.

Mistake #4: NOT KEEPING TEMPERATURES CONSISTENT.

Bets are your not brewing your beer in the cozy climates of your living room or kitchen. Every amateur mad-scientist started out in his basement or garage, same holds true for most amateur beer brewers. Problem with that is even though Frankenstein wasn’t picky about the temperature when he rose up from the dead; a rule of the trade is your yeast isn’t going to be as accommodating. Maintaining the recommended yeast temperature range is critical. If you want to do it right, you are first going to have to find a suitable place to ferment your beer, and if that means moving your kid to the basement, more power to you!

Mistake #5: WORRYING TOO MUCH.

Last, but certainly not least (because you will make plenty other mistakes on your journey to Beer Brewing God status), mistake #5: going PMS crazy over your beer and doing something stupid like bottling a batch too early. Yeah, I know… almost ironic, but just like drinking beer, brewing beer is reserved for those of us who understand how to lay back and enjoy the good things life has to offer. That’s why you’re brewing beer, right? So, as long as you aren’t guilty of any of the other 4 mistakes, drop the old-hen routine, and use this time to ‘pitch’ your beer and that kick-ass nacho dip you’re going to serve along with it.

Yes, brewing beer takes discipline, but all great talents require practice and patience. So, enjoy yourself, experiment with flavors and additives, and if a batch here or there doesn’t turn out like you hoped, the ‘coming out’ party can be rescheduled… and your boss can go choke on a can of Coors light.
So, Cheers and Happy Brewing!